Early death is so unfair.

RIP Joe Welburn.

I went to elementary school with you.
We used to call you Joey.
You had the softest hair... Kelsey C. and I used to play with it a lot.
You held my hand in 6th grade because I was sad that my dog died.
You were the silliest member of drumline.
You had your own cadence.
It was purely about your laugh.
Steph and I snuck you out of Seminar each week to go to the band room.
You always high-fived us for it.
Sometimes we had brief conversations about our goals in life.
We skipped band together one day and just hung out in the commons.
You were such good friends with my cousin, so I feel like we were even closer that way.

I seem to act like we hardly knew each other but we really did.
You were so loveable.
And you were doing so well.
We were proud of you.
We are proud of you.

Now I wish I could hold your hand. I wish this hadn't happened. I'm so sorry.

You will always be loved.

God, BEDA is just not my thing. I need to be told what to write about if I'm going to do this every day. So I am officially declaring this a normal post that I happen to be writing in April.

My grandma recently broke her ankle in two places and had to get surgery. She was in the hospital for about 4 days, and then she was able to go back home. I've been here helping her around the house since Tuesday.

The thing about my grandma is that she hates to be helped. If she starts to get up and into her wheelchair, I have to yell "HEY! What do you want? Sit back down." She nearly refuses to have someone wait on her hand and foot.

I try to be a good granddaughter. I love her more than anything or anyone else in the world and I just want her to see that I'm capable of loving her just as much as she loves me.

And, would you look at that, while I was typing this, she did the dishes. Of course.

BEDA #7

The moon is fire in the sky tonight and I hear your voice behind me.
“Life is terrible, but it’s an adventure. It shuts you down and rips holes in your soul.”
There’s a glare off the bay, my heart is ripping through my chest trying to get closer to you.
“And you, you are creative in the way you work. You prowl into my mind all the time.”


I SERIOUSLY miss this moment in time.

PS I know these are short, but I'm feeling just a tad bit off lately.

BEDA #6

Woooooohoooooo!

I'm moving in the fall!
I'm getting my own place!
I know what I'm doing for school!
I'll be meeting new people!
I'm gonna get a Bachelor's in Communications!
I'm gonna be away from home!
FINALLY!

I can't wait to leave.

BEDA #5

You know what I did tonight?

I texted you at 10:30 PM. It was 9:30 there. I asked if you were awake.

You responded "Yeah, but you're lucky you caught me before I jumped into bed."

I told you, "Oh, okay. Sleep well!"

To that you joked, "Kim. It's 9:30, why in God's name would I be asleep?"

My entire day had been dull and slightly depressing and that's all I needed to get a smile to creep up onto my face.

I told you to entertain me, I was bored.
You said no.
I said yes.
No.
Yes.
No.
Yes.

"I have shit to do. I can't be texting."
"Liar."
"Sorry babe!"
"Stop responding, then."
"Just watch."
"Mhm, okay.
":-)"
"Respond once more. I dare you."
":-*"

Made my day more than worth it.

~~~

I filled my day with mindless, mundane activities. I stopped at Meijer, getting a couple groceries, spent an hour on the treadmill, and read.
Seriously. If I had a job, I would feel a lot less lame.

BEDA #4

My senses flutter, as if they have become tangible objects.
I could place them into a box and
watch them shake it until it crashed to the floor.
You are real,
and outside it’s raining.

For months I had wondered about your kiss.
Would it be soft, like the affectionate tap of the water on my window?
Passionate, with the impulsive hint of anticipation, or
simple - showing your love through the grip of your hands and
the placement of your body?

I curl myself into the corner of my bed
waiting for you.
Your tempting scent moves closer by candlelight.
Musky, resolute with a bite.
As the shadows promenade to my left,
the familiarity between us grows and
the space between our bodies shrinks to nothing.

The rain marches on and we are idle.
Your words are few, but gentle and ensuring.
This time is absolute,
this time is only ours.

BEDA #3

Well, Michigan State lost the basketball game. We lost by only 2 points, and we came very close to making a comeback and winning, but we surely did not deserve to win.

Morgan had a back and forth season, Lucas was out for the rest of the season with a torn Achilles tendon, and Luscious had been limping every other game.

We made it to the Final Four, as we deserved to. With the way we performed in this last game, there was no way we deserved to continue on.

ANYWAY.

Easter Sunday.

Normally I love this day. Family time, food, candy. But today I may just scream my heart out at my grandma.

Who does she think she is, cutting me down constantly? This is just what she does. I don't live the way she does, so apparently I'm trash. A family friend got pregnant out of wedlock, she's a whore. I don't have a job so I'm a failure. My dad has a bit of a belly lately, she mentions it in front of everyone. My best friend is finished with her Associate's and has a regular steady job. Apparently that means she's queen (oh, and she's super skinny and that seems to be mighty important to grandma).

I apologize that today's blog is bitchy and whiny, but I can't fucking stand the way she condescendingly puts pressure and harsh judgment on everyone around her.

Fuck today. I'm going to go listen to Jason Mraz.

BEDA #2

An introduction of sorts:

My name is Kim and I'm not entirely sure who I am yet.

I try to keep a level head in heated situations, and I make sure to always consider others' feelings when I make decisions, and when I speak my mind.

I have made some stupid mistakes but I try not to live in regret because had I not made those decisions, I would not be exactly where I am now. I like where I am now.

I am a nerdfighter, a writer, a young-hearted dreamer who wants only to be away from home.

Someone once told me I was an angelic, blonde haired, blue eyed little devil.

I enjoy things that are the color green, panda bears, and a quality cup of jasmine tea.

That's about 1% of me, though.

BEDA #1

Ah, BEDA. Blog every day April.

So I'm already behind, go figure. But I will post two posts tonight to make up for that, so that I feel like I've still done this all correctly.

I started this blog last year because of BEDA. I feel like I owe my blog a proper participation in BEDA this time around, since I failed quite a lot last year.

My goals for this time around include (but are not limited to):

1. (Obviously) Posting each day.
2. Submitting a piece of written poetry or prose once a week or more.
3. Having more lengthy posts.
4. Enjoying this more than I did last year.

Blogging is something that I feel I should take more seriously, and I will try my hardest to do so now.