3/25/2010

365 days of happiness -

Day 7 -

Another AWESOME basketball game. Church. Laura time. The Well. Alex Goldsmith being AWESOME. Booty shaking.

Day 8 -

Cleaning. Looking cute. Long drives. Grand Rapids train station. Being treated to dinner. Getting home at 3:30 AM.

Day 9 -

Waking up like it's a dream. Laura and Sawyer time. Book store hunting. Best game of madlibs ever. Cuddles. Smiles. Bonfires. Marshmallows. Feeling exactly like Summer.

Day 10 -

Waking up too late. Breakfast with the girls. Banana-Strawberry jam. Puppy adventures. Hair cut. Orange soda. Love.

Day 11 -

La Senorita. Dear Prudence. Visiting Aunt Betty. Calm lazy time. Cats. (TO BE CONTINUED.)

It can be assumed that all of these things included Laura and Sawyer. Attached at the hip all week, man.

365 days of happiness

Days 5 and 6 -

Lots of cleaning and The Well. Cheesy bread, window shopping, QDoba, and Laura. AWESOME basketball game and pizza.

Coffee and more cleaning. Friends and more Well time. Cute babies, and puppy cuddle time.

3/18/10

365 days of happiness

Day 4 -

Laura. Jason Mraz stuff. The Well with Jared's guitar playing. Wild Bill's Root Beer. Allie time. Cheap clothes. Cute dresses. Fast food and cute poodles. Harry Potter discussions. Gossip Girl discussions. Getting the news of Sawyer coming into town. Laura's AWESOME care package for me. Dove chocolates. 45 minutes of Lauren conversation. Yayz.

3/17/10

365 days of happiness

Day 3 -

The Avett Brothers, sunshine, taking walks by the bay. Wrote in my journal with colorful markers, sang to myself. Drove with the windows down and music up. Convinced my mom to plant sunflowers in her garden. Lots of them. Spent a lot of time outside, played with Oscar, ate some cake. Ran on the treadmill and did 20 pushups. Switched to my summer purse. <3

3/17/10

Today has been the first day in a while that I have not frowned. I cannot begin to explain the joy I've felt today. The sun is shining, the snow has disappeared, and it feels like Summer in this town. I took a walk by the bay, and I wrote in my journal. I'm finding that the more I physically write in a notebook, the easier it is for me to let my problems become part of the past.

I'm noticing myself becoming more active as each day passes and how much better it makes me feel. I'm reading again. I'm writing music again. I'm smiling while I'm alone. I'm more motivated.

I think I'm getting myself out of the ground, working on loving myself.
I feel genuinely okay.

3/16/10

365 days of happiness

Day 2 -

First bonfire of the year at Brigitte's. Carter and Eric hugs. Roasted marshmallows and hotdogs. Alice In Wonderland was wonderful. Lots of smiles. Movie theater popcorn. Mom-daughter time. Letting go of truth. Knowing Brigitte and Jason are moving in together. High fives from Hayden. Goldfish named Maurice, Jesus, and Captain Underpants. Good hair day. <3

3/15/10

365 days of happiness

Day 1 -

Guacamole and FRIENDS.

3/12/10

This one time, I bought a man a sandwich from a cafe downtown because I knew he was homeless and hungry. I knew it would mean more than just handing him a ten-dollar bill and walking away. I knew he would appreciate that kind gesture, and it made me happy to know I did something nice for someone I didn't know.

Another time, I drove all the way to Grand Rapids in a snow storm because I was restless, and a little downtrodden. While in the process of pulling a U-Turn, I got my car stuck in some deep snow, and kicked myself for thinking my car could make it through there. Just as I was about to call a family member to admit how foolish I was, a man in a tow truck pulled up next to my car and offered to pull me out. He yanked my little car out of the snow and patted me on the back. The next moment, he was gone.

When I was three years old, my cousin and I were playing in the mud at our aunt Betty's house. Kellen pushed me down in a rather large puddle, and I cut my finger. I ran to my aunt, who instructed me to go into the house and turn left, where I would be able to get to a sink to wash it off (There was a step stool for me to climb up on). Being as young as I was, I did not know my left from my right. Trying not to look silly in front of my aunt, I nodded my head and went inside. I turned to the right, parading through the entire house covered in mud.

At the end of Junior year, three other friends and I took a drive out to Empire beach for a birthday trip. We packed lots of candy and a camera. It was extremely foggy, and the water was lost behind the smog at the end of the shore. It made for a perfect backdrop for silly pictures. That evening was so pure in its innocence. That was the last time I remember having innocent fun with my best friends.

When I was eleven, my dad and I were in a head-on collision car accident. We were hit by a drunk driver and I was in the hospital for three days with injuries to my head and neck. Kellen came into my room and climbed up on my bed and handed me a very ugly orange stuffed monkey. He told me named him Bobby, but I could change the name if I wanted. He then hugged me tightly, and told me to stop getting headaches so we could start playing outside again.

Last night, my old best friend of thirteen years killed herself in her empty apartment in Chicago.
I don't feel so innocent anymore.
I feel old, and jaded.

3/9/10

Yeah, and you swore you'd never let this happen. You told yourself it's not a bridge you'd cross, but you were wrong. You made a big mistake, let that opportunity slip through your fingers, and now you're left with a heavy heart and a mind racing faster than you thought possible.

Yeah, those are the only thoughts you're going to have for a long time. You're going to be wondering what the hell happened to you, how you actually managed to put yourself in that position, and why things couldn't have gone in a different direction.

Now you're in a much more difficult situation. You're putting yourself in danger of experiencing many more emotional pitfalls. The worst thing about this is that you generally feel great about this situation. It's something you really want, but it isn't easily attainable. (At least it's not attainable while still feeling morally comfortable.)

Now you are caught up in silly desires, and it's going to cause you an emotional heart attack. Now you've moved on, to a disastrous scenario in which you're only going to be left in the dust. And you're just fine with it. You just wait. You're going to get your heart broken.

Marriage - A Game For Fools

3/3/10

I'm 20 years old and I've never enjoyed the idea of marriage.

Well, if we're being honest, I do enjoy the idea. (But only if it's a huge party celebrating ME, heh.)

Anyway, I think it's absolutely ridiculous to even be thinking about marriage at my age.
So why is my best friend getting married? Is he crazy? Who really wants to worry about a marriage when they have their 20's ahead oh them? Ugh.

But I think I'm just cynical, really. I've always been biased against love, and honestly, against my friend. He's gone through more girls than toilet paper. He's told me that the girlfriend at the time was "the one" three times now. Hmmm.

Isn't the divorce rate in this country 50%? I'm not buying into this. IF I fall in love, do I really need governmental proof that I love someone?


Eh. I don't want to ever get married.

A Poem For Myself

3/3/10

Lonely and in the corner
a gaze harder than stone.
Unaware of your own regression,
you’re dancing on your own.
A tiny doll, in a tattered dress
Propped upon the shelf.
Honey I’ve got no remedy
you’ve got to help yourself.

3/1/10

Don’t be lonely much longer,
dear child. Please allow no fear.
Your windowsill is collecting
dust without you here.

<3

3/1/10

I've got to say, The Beatles make my heart all fuzzy and warm.

That is all.