3/12/10

This one time, I bought a man a sandwich from a cafe downtown because I knew he was homeless and hungry. I knew it would mean more than just handing him a ten-dollar bill and walking away. I knew he would appreciate that kind gesture, and it made me happy to know I did something nice for someone I didn't know.

Another time, I drove all the way to Grand Rapids in a snow storm because I was restless, and a little downtrodden. While in the process of pulling a U-Turn, I got my car stuck in some deep snow, and kicked myself for thinking my car could make it through there. Just as I was about to call a family member to admit how foolish I was, a man in a tow truck pulled up next to my car and offered to pull me out. He yanked my little car out of the snow and patted me on the back. The next moment, he was gone.

When I was three years old, my cousin and I were playing in the mud at our aunt Betty's house. Kellen pushed me down in a rather large puddle, and I cut my finger. I ran to my aunt, who instructed me to go into the house and turn left, where I would be able to get to a sink to wash it off (There was a step stool for me to climb up on). Being as young as I was, I did not know my left from my right. Trying not to look silly in front of my aunt, I nodded my head and went inside. I turned to the right, parading through the entire house covered in mud.

At the end of Junior year, three other friends and I took a drive out to Empire beach for a birthday trip. We packed lots of candy and a camera. It was extremely foggy, and the water was lost behind the smog at the end of the shore. It made for a perfect backdrop for silly pictures. That evening was so pure in its innocence. That was the last time I remember having innocent fun with my best friends.

When I was eleven, my dad and I were in a head-on collision car accident. We were hit by a drunk driver and I was in the hospital for three days with injuries to my head and neck. Kellen came into my room and climbed up on my bed and handed me a very ugly orange stuffed monkey. He told me named him Bobby, but I could change the name if I wanted. He then hugged me tightly, and told me to stop getting headaches so we could start playing outside again.

Last night, my old best friend of thirteen years killed herself in her empty apartment in Chicago.
I don't feel so innocent anymore.
I feel old, and jaded.